For a certain slice of the population (which includes me) “Gilliam’s Quixote movie” has for the past 20 years or so been kind of like the End Times to a fundamentalist Christian. Every few years we’d see some kind of a sign (occasionally accompanied by trippy visuals) that it was finally right around the corner, […]
Before I discuss Justice League, a quick recap of my thoughts on the DCEU so far (links go to full reviews): I was ambivalent about Man of Steel, and my main complaint had more to do with a fundamental failure to grasp the role of Jonathan Kent (and Jonathan Kent’s death) in the Superman mythology […]
I remember being kind of ambivalent about the first Resident Evil movie. The action was good, but the story didn’t really hold together all that well. It seemed more complicated than it needed to be to justify the action scenes and less complicated than it needed to be to work as something that existed to […]
[Editor’s Note: This review may seem jumbled and disjointed, but it’s at least 1,000 times more coherent than the plot of the Suicide Squad.] Will Smith is mad, Harley’s crazy. They both have theme music. Amanda Waller has theme music, too. It’s “Sympathy for the Devil,” which makes sense. Seems like this is the Amanda […]
Here’s an excerpt from my second book of movie reviews, 21 Movies You’ve Probably Already Seen, Reviewed By Some Guy You Don’t Know, which will be available very soon. I’m not exactly sure how it happened. I’d just gotten off a 12 hour shift that ended at 11 a.m. I’d been awake for a few […]
Lets’ get the nonsense out of the way first: By “Dickless Edition,” I mean that the central characters are women (this apparently bothers some people, but those people are idiots). This isn’t an alternate version of the story told from the perspective of a dedicated EPA agent trying to protect the city from a group […]
When the first ad for Stranger Things showed up on Netflix, I skimmed the blurb and thought it sounded like something I wanted to watch, but I only had one more season of The Walking Dead on Netflix to not-quite-hate-watch, so I decided to finish that up first. While I was wondering why the fuck […]
I hear that the new Tarzan movie got bad reviews, but I didn’t pay much attention to that. John Carter and the last Conan movie got bad reviews too, and I enjoyed both of them. And in the case of the Conan movie, the things that the reviewers most consistently complained about were the things […]
I was going to see the new X-Men movie, but the glut of summer movies means it was already down to one showtime, and I didn’t get to the theater in time. Tarzan and the new Purge movie open today, but presumably due to weird box office math rules, the first showings weren’t for a […]
First things first: No, Hilddleston doesn’t sound anything like Hank Williams. To be fair, though, most people don’t. The only person I’ve ever heard get it all right is Hank III, and he probably can’t act. For the most part, Hiddleston does a good job despite the vocal differences. Even though he can’t match the […]
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